What do Captain Jack Sparrow, a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey, and a family friendly Christmas gift exchange have in common?
The answer? A drunk uncle, a monkey, and a very uncomfortable holiday.
You should see my answer to why a raven is like a writing desk.
Seriously, though, here’s the tale of what came to be of that aforementioned bottle of whiskey.
My fiancee and I had to get a present for her brother, and instead of actually trying to come up with something we settled on the old standby- booze. In particular, her brother’s swill of choice is Jack Daniel’s whiskey. Once in hand we realized that we couldn’t just give him alcohol. This was a family gathering, after all, and drunken escapades with surly monkeys are frowned upon.
It would seem our easy out would require a tricky in, but the chance for mischief got me thinking. We’d get a box and put a bottle of coke and an oversize novelty jack (as in the old game with a ball and, well, jacks) in it. My fiancee also suggested we put in a fake gift card with “Pretend this is a gift card and we’ll get you the real jack later” on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to find an oversize novelty jack? The only place we didn’t look was the local adult items superstore (though come to think of it, they probably would’ve had one…)
Then I suggested a mini Captain Jack from Pirates of the Caribbean. Naturally this meant I’d print one out on card stock and tack it together so it could dance. And while I was at it, I’d take some pictures and provide the means for you to make it.
That’s right, dear reader. You too can have your very own Dancin Capn’ Jack!
So now that the story is out of the way, it’s time for a probably not recurring feature here on MattBooker.info.
Yes, I do realize how ridiculous this is. It’s part parody and part craft project. It started out as a funny way to give an inappropriate gift, but once I had it made I realized something…
This thing is both hilarious and fun. Ridiculously so.
Here’s a thumbnail of the file you need to print. Give it a click to have the actual image open in a new window, or right click and save the target of the link.
The arms, head, and body are from a different picture than the legs, and edited a bit for the right fit. I know it’s hard to tell, but I’ve also expertly added two bottles of whiskey to his hands.
Everything should be proportion, and don’t be too meticulous with Dancin Capn’ Jack, as that’s all in the spirit of the character.
Here’s the a picture of the completed Jangly Pal.
Doesn’t he look horrified? Make him do a jaunty pirate jig!
Who needs rum when you’re sailing with Captain Jack Daniel’s! Just watch out for that stout Brit, Commodore Guinness.
I suppose I should probably mention a few tips for you.
First, use a knife to make holes instead of just pushing the pins through. If you do that, you can spin the tip of the knife around so there’s a wider, rounded hole and the flat edges of the pin’s flaps won’t get in the way. That makes for a more jangly Jangly Pal.
Also, be mindful of layers. For instance, the head should be on the top layer, so it’s on top of the upper body. Then the lower body is under that, with the upper legs under that. Put the lower legs on top of the upper legs at the knee. Both arms should go behind the upper torso at the shoulders.
Here’s a picture of it from the back, which also doubles as The Ghost of Dancin Capn’ Jack! Oooh! Spooky!
Also, remember that it’s three dimensional. This thing was brought on by remembrances of little paper figures I made as craft projects back in grade school. Something disturbing about them was how the head would slide around when not held by it. To keep your Dancin Capn’ Jack from having his head hang low, fold his hair back a bit. That way it’ll still flop around to get that desired jangle, but his shoulders will keep his head from spinning down. To keep his arms from sliding around behind him, bend them out a little.
And don’t be afraid to trim things to make them look better. Once put together, I had to trim off part of his lower body and one of his shoulders.
To make him dance, either grab him by the head and shake, or hold each bottle and move his arms around.
I really recommend making this, even as just a gag gift for someone. No, especially as a gag gift for someone.
Really, how can you resist this?