Simmons Was Right! – Bruticus

Agent Simmons of Sector 7 – a visionary to some, a crackpot to others, and an underwear pioneer to all!

During his time protecting the free world from frozen doom, Agent Simmons became increasingly aware of patterns- a symbol here, a hieroglyph there, a rusted out bumper amid a clutch of fossilized woolly mammoth eggs – patterns which could tie directly into maybe possibly indicating that nbes might have visited earth before the arrival of nbe1 or even the cube!

But did anyone believe him?

Not even his mother!

Not even Sector 7, bastion and bulwark of a nation’s secrets, vanguard against frightening metal monsters and the potentially frightened fleshy freedom they might desperately want to destroy!

But we know…

Simmons was right!

Our first piece of evidence comes from a history text book, found in the ruins of the UK educational system. Somewhere amidst swear scribbled pages of pictures plastered in crudely drawn dongs, boobs, and the occasional mustache, a piece of evidence has gone unnoticed by modern historians.

And just as well that it has, for in this photographic illustration of some poncy medieval battle, one can just make out the image of what may very well be an nbe!

Put on your reading glasses, you won’t want to squint and miss this.


Do you see it? That almost Eiffel Tower looking structure in the background? At first glance it appears to be a battle between various medieval barbarians, but if one considers again the details of this illustration, it’s actually the two armies that are attacking the tower! Much like the mysterious pharaoh’s helicopter, you can almost make out parts of modern day aircraft!

Could this really be true?

Pfft. Of course not!”

What do you mean?

“That picture’s full of glaring historical inaccuracies!”

How do you know?

“Because, I was there.”


Hello… I’m immortal.

I don’t think that’s retroactive, Deadpool.

“It’s not?”


“Besides, those are clearly not barbarians! They’re redcoats, and they’re fighting zombies.”

Uh huh… You’re gonna keep bitching, aren’t you?



Go ahead, click the picture for the bigger view.

I has a pwnie!


“One merc, alone, except for his army, betrayed by the country kitchen…”

… If more evidence turns up, we’ll have it here.

“One merc…”

~Matt Booker

9 thoughts on “Simmons Was Right! – Bruticus

  1. Deadpool is probably going to be in the pictures, just to keep him from bitching about it. Consider it a where’s Waldo type thing, but more obvious.

    ~Matt Booker

  2. “I has a pwnie!” just about had me on the floor.

    History should be full of giant robots and wisecracking mercenaries…

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