Alright. This post has been a long time coming. I’d meant for it to be a kind of New Years Resolution, but April still counts, right?
Damn right it does. If we don’t try to better ourselves every day, then what’s the point in getting up?
“You gotta pee sometime, man.”
You’re not helping.
Point is, there are some things I need to address, and some resolutions that I need to enact. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad, but just because it isn’t bad doesn’t mean everyone reading this will think it’s good. I’d like to think you will, at least for those of you who come here for more than just the TF guides.
And that leads into…
I make pretty sweet guides on how to fix plastic robots. I like doing it, and I like helping people. My guides get a lot of views, and it’s always, always nice to hear people take the time to send me a comment or a pm on a message board just to tell me thanks. It’s humbling, and I sincerely appreciate it.
I mean that.
Why is it humbling?
I tend to get a few hundred visitors a day. If a page gets a thousand unique views, it’s likely less than ten of those will take the time to comment, let alone to thank me.
I’d like to think I don’t offend everybody, and that most of those views go away happy. It’s the nature of the internet for people to be transient browsers, absorbing information and moving on. Unless it’s a message board or cat video, taking the time to put your name and email address in a form and then type up a thank you is a big thing. I’d call you lazy bastards, but I’ve done it too.
People might like the post, but people that comment really care.
Oh, and sharing. That’s awesome too. (You can find those buttons and the bottom of each post, if you’re so inclined to Digg/Facebook/Reddit/Twitter something you like.)
So honestly, truly, thank you.
“Man, this is turning into a sob story. It’s not 80 degrees in here again, is it?”
Not quite. This is constructive. And it’s aimed at people that actually pay attention, that come here for more than the TF guides.
“Then maybe you should post more than just the TF guides.”
I’m getting to that!
“Can we be getting to tacos?”
We already had a salad.
“I KNOW. What is wrong with you?!”
I’ll bake a potato later, okay?
“With butter and garlic salt?”
With butter and garlic salt.
“And a side of tacos?”
Keep it up and we’ll have spam instead.
“FINE. But only ’cause I hate food that looks like my face.”
That sounds like as good a time as any for…
“Is this section about me?”
“Can it be about me? You know, the ladies call me ‘Powerglove’.”
Because you’re so bad?
“No. It’s because of my horribly scarred penis.”
“Fine. I’ll go sulk under THE UGLY.”
Alright. So THE GOOD about MattBooker.info so far is having well received mod guides, helping people, and people that care enough to comment and share. Also under that section, I should have mentioned FUN. Because if it wasn’t fun, I wouldn’t be doing things like this. Sure, I like helping people improve their TFs, but I won’t pretend I do it only out of obligation.
I love to laugh, and to make others laugh as well. A joke just isn’t the same if you’re the only one who gets it.
And that’s a big reason why, for the most part, I don’t just post straight up mod guides. Listen, it can be frustrating hearing people complain about something, having them see a guide with step by step instructions for a super easy fix, and then hearing them say that they’re too scared to do it. I’m very careful to make things easy to understand, because I remember how scary it is to start modding stuff you’ve paid for. But that’s just it, you’ve paid for it, so why put up with problems on it?
You could just, not buy it or something. But isn’t five minutes of modding worth having an awesome version of [INSERT CHARACTER HERE]?
It’s a taboo, at least at first, and cutting into plastic can feel like breaking it even if you’re fixing it. But once that taboo is broken, it’s so much easier from there on in. You just have to take the leap.
But most people don’t. And that can feel bad.
I’m no constipated mathematician, but I’ve worked it out with a pencil and the numbers show that out of all my visitors, only eleventy-seven percent will actually do the mods to a guide they look at.
The rest likely browse the guides out of morbid curiosity, gazing on my lurid experiments in plastic taxidermy while secretly lusting over what they dare not do themselves.
Or they get bored and click away.
But that’s a reason I try to have fun with my guides, so they can too. Even if they don’t end up doing the mods, hopefully they’re horrified and amused at seeing pictures of a Green Goblin Minimate dangling from a tank Transformer’s skid plate.
So what’s this have to do with THE BAD?
TF Guides aren’t supposed to be the main reason for the site. I make guides when I buy something that has problems that bother me enough to fix it. That happens less than it used to, because the focus of my collection has changed. I’ll probably talk about it in another blog post, but at least partly it’s rising costs of TFs causing me to be more selective about what I buy. If a deluxe is $17, it has to be more than just a neat robot for me to buy it. Masterpiece TFs are even more expensive than that, and they are more than worth it, so I’m buying less off the shelf and more online.
That means a blog with nothing but TF guides gets updated infrequently.
And you know what that is? NOT FUN.
This was something I knew even back when I first started this blog. Look at the first post. Look at the freakin’ subtitle of the whole blog. It’s supposed to be about writing, crafting, cooking, and also TF mod guides. I have done a post involving crafting, but not as much as I should have. I haven’t even done one post about cooking, and I really enjoy making strange but delicious concoctions of bachelor-sized proportions. And while I’ve posted about writing, ultimately I’d like this blog not to be the sole focus of, but ah focus of my writing. I want MattBooker.info to be a hub– for me talking about stuff, for TF mod guides, for crafting things I do, for cooking things I do, and for the books I write.
And I have been writing books. It’s tough to talk about them right now, because until they get published I prefer to be a bit secretive about them. Once a book is out and a character is established, I can talk more about that series, but until then, the most you’ll get on here is vague updates. And those are fine, in moderation. Nobody wants to hear IT’S COMING SOON AND IT’S SO COOL over and over again. That’s all fluff and no substance.
So I’ve been busy, don’t worry, but that’s why I don’t post too many updates about it here on the blog. For now. :)
“That’s great to know. I’m happy for you, man. And not just because you’re several times my size and I require your gargantuan hands to animate my tiny plastic body.”
Shh. You’ll ruin the illusion.
“That you don’t have some kind of mild multiple personality disorder?”
That’s just an author thing.
“I’m making too much sense in this conversation. I’m scared.”
“Stop it! Switch me back! Switch me back!”
Fine, fine. But what was your initial point?
That’s the spirit.
As for the point of this section (THE BAD, not The Deadpool), you know all that stuff I mentioned that I do but hasn’t been written about on here, like the crafting and the mad tom foodery?
That’s gonna get written about on here.
The majority of current visitors aren’t going to care about that. But the majority of visitors come here via Google searches for specific mod guides or from links to specific mod guides on TF message boards or Twitter. There are, however, some of you that keep coming here for more than just that, the ones that want more than just an update every month or so.
The ones that maybe, just maybe, like what I have to say when I’m not complaining about the heat and lack of sleep. Whether it’s discussing writing and storytelling, or just interacting with a friendly geek that tries to be positive in a pop-culture bent on poo-pooing the very things we enjoy, I think you’ll get a kick out of what’s coming.
And those random visitors for TF guides? They’ll keep coming regardless of whatever else I post, and maybe some of them will see the other posts and start coming back for them.
Now then, for…
“Oh, right. This is about me, isn’t it?”
You think kitten videos are about you.
“You can’t prove they aren’t.”
Maybe I should have called this post ‘MattBooker.info – Interview with a Deadpool’.
“You’d have more people comment.
I’m… not sure if that isn’t true.
This section kind of is about you, though. The early TF guides I did were a bit different than the ones I do now. Sure, I still like to have humor in them, but the guides used to have more of a wacky ensemble cast. TF guides weren’t supposed to be the focus of the site, but they were popular and I kept finding things to fix, so guides and TF related humor were the bulk of the posts.
The wacky ensemble cast is fine for guides, but it started bleeding over into other posts.
“Like this one?”
Yeah, actually. You, more than the others like Streaker and Norman, you’re a fully realized character in my head. That’s the kind of thing that happens for characters in the books that I write. It’s easy to talk to you.
“How does this relate to tacos?”
Did I say ‘fully realized?’
“It’s okay. We all make mistakes. But only you can make me a taco.”
Deadpool… I’ll be glad to have you stick around, but there are some things not meant for a wacky ensemble cast. The mod guides are definitely a place for that, though honestly they’ve been a bit more straightforward than they’ve been before.
“Trust me, I hang out on shelves with those guys. Have you seen what happened to Sunstreaker?”
You photoshopped that picture.
“No, YOU photoshopped that picture.”
“He… He just means double penetration, right?”
Why limit the acronym to just one meaning?”
“Maybe cameos can get out of hand…”
Like this one?
“Have you given me a taco?”
My point is, you’re a parody, but you’re still based on a copyrighted character. Comic books are so ingrained into popular culture that… No, let me rephrase that. Marvel has been an influence on me since my early days of childhood, through delicious Hostess Fruit Pies to comics to cartoons to toys. They’ve always been there, and they’re still going strong. Having a parody of a Marvel character here is just a loving extension of all the stories I told with Marvel toys as a kid. And playing by myself and telling stories with toys is a big reason why I became an author.
But as this site focuses more and more on my writing, and I focus more on becoming a paid and published author–
“You’re embarrassed. Admit it.”
Not a bit. But come on, it would get a bit awkward if Marvel noticed your shenanigans and decided to issue a cease and desist.
“Hey, they’re not DC. Look at how much Marvel enjoyed Twisted Toyfare Theatre. They love shenanigans!”
They’re owned by Disney now.
Not quite! You can still hang out in guides or funny stuff that’s set around you. That’s not things I’m aiming to make money off of. But if it’s a srs bsns post, I’ll keep your comments between us.
“I have to work for free? Do you even know what a mercenary is?”
You came with plenty of accessories. What do you need money for?
“I still owe child support to Black Arachnia.”
Those were parasites!
She laid eggs in you. You are not the dad.
“But… Some of them had my eyes.”
Some of them ATE your eyes.
“No, those grew back.”